“Dread, terror and fear” - the footballer who couldn’t play football

“Is this really happening?”

One year ago, on October 28, 2021, Chioma Ubogagu’s phone lit up with a message that would have drastic implications on the 12 months that followed.

The message, from Team Doctor Craig Rosenbloom, told Chi that she had taken a banned substance.

It’s not performance enhancing, but spironolactone - a pill used alongside minocycline to treat acne - is a banned substance for athletes in the UK. Prescribed to Chi in the United States, spironolactone can be used to mask other substances.

“It was just dread, terror, and fear all in one. Is this really happening? I take responsibility of the situation and I’m at the end of it now and it’s positive looking forward, but in that moment it was like ‘is this how everything’s gonna end?’ 

“The possible sentence was two to four years and I’m in the later stages of my career now, so it was a scary time and I can’t say enough how thankful I am to have my mum and the Club behind me working through that process, taking it day by day and seeing how it will play out. 

“There are still some dreams that I’m chasing and want to try to check off before I end football, so it was that thought of ‘oh man, maybe I won’t even get the chance or the opportunity to try, or to say this is my last game on my terms.’ It would’ve left a bad taste in my mouth, so I was definitely really scared and grew a lot as a person through this process.”

Not only was Chi unable to play in training or matches, but she also wasn’t allowed to watch her teammates from the stands either. Ultimately, she couldn’t bring herself to look at the sport at all.

“I’m someone who watches games all the time and I have so many group chats with cousins, friends and family about football. 

“I literally couldn’t look at it or watch football for a while because it just hurt and made me really sad. 

“I still tried to stay fit and do stuff on my own because I knew I wanted to play again, given the opportunity. My mum and I wanted to make sure my message prevented that situation for other people. 

“When I was able to do that article with The Player’s Tribune, it was tough and scary to be that vulnerable, but a lot of people reached out to say they really appreciated me putting that out there. They said they were sorry for what I was going through. Hearing those kinds of messages back was really nice and helped me a lot. In a way, it helped the healing process too.”

Beginning the serving of her ban nine months ago, the light at the end of the tunnel initially seemed a long way off.

“It’s been a tough time and I think that’s something that I had to get used to and sit with and be okay with. This is difficult, this is tough, and just allow myself to feel those emotions and take the time to process what was going on. 

“I’m grateful that I had a lot of people in my village and my community to lean on, who were checking in with me to see if I was okay. The club went above and beyond in supporting me in a lot of ways and I really appreciate that. 

“Rehanne [Skinner] even came by to my flat a few times and checked in on me and that meant a lot, just as a person for her to care and put in the time to do that. 

“The girls were really supportive when I was able to tell them what was going on. They checked in with me constantly and kept telling me they couldn’t wait until I was back, so that was really nice to hear. 

“As we know, football’s a huge part of our time and our life, and it was immediately removed, so that was a lot of time that I was left with to figure out what else I’m interested in or what kind of person I want to be outside of football. It’s something I’m still figuring out.

“I also think that time allowed me to try different things each day. For me, it was realising that I do have other interests outside of it and I do really enjoy hanging out with my close friends and family and those special bonds are really important and what I’ll always have after football.”

At 1:17pm on Saturday, 22 October, Chi came on for Ashleigh Neville in the 87th minute of our Women’s Super League game against Manchester City, returning for her Brisbane Road debut in front of nearly 2,000 supporters.

“It was amazing. It’s been nine months, so it’s been a very long time, just thinking of that moment of game day prep and being in the changing room with all of my teammates and just getting minutes, so I was really excited. 

“It was a great feeling that showed I have so much love for the game still and I’m really grateful to be playing and grateful to be a part of this group.

“This whole process has taught me patience because I think I need to realise and give myself grace that it’s been nine months. Everything’s not going to come back just like that. 

“I’ve been training, and I feel good in training, but training’s very different from match fitness and games, so I need to allow myself to get in that rhythm. 

“That’s tough because I’m someone that wants to keep going either way, but with each minute hopefully I grow in confidence and can keep helping the team.”

Now, Chi gets to continue her career on her terms.